Leading the Whiner

Day three.  I had heard from others who work with students that day three is the most difficult when you are leading a student trip.  I had not noticed this phenomenon until I was the trip leader.  Day One – Exciting!  Day Two – Gaining Momentum.  Day Three – What Happened?!?  After two nights of little sleep, close quarters with best frienemies, and a lot of hormonal imbalance, day three has proved to be challenging on most student trips I have led.  The reason?  This is when students decide (consciously or unconsciously) to break out the whine.

No, that was not a typo.  Students are usually pretty good about not bringing alcoholic beverages on trips.  This is wHine. 

When the whine comes on nothing is good enough.  “I’m tired.”  “I don’t like the food.”  “Can you tell that person to put on some deodorant?”  The whines rise in a cacophony of student emotion.  Day three.  Count on it… It’s coming.  However, trips mixed with teenage feelings are not the only place that you can find whining.

Every organization has whiners.  If the there is something to whine about, they will make sure they locate it and tell everyone in ear shot about it.  Sometimes it is too hot.  You adjust the temperature and now it is too cold.  Sometimes it is too much.  You take some away now it is too little.  There is no pleasing a perpetual whiner.  Whiners have to be led out of their whining ways.  So how to you lead a whiner?

1. Refuse to Be Miserable With Them – Whiners love company.  When they sense that they can get someone else to jump on the bandwagon of their whine with them, they get excited.  In order to lead a whiner, you have to refuse to sink to their level.

2. Stay Positive – Counteracting whines means celebrating wins.  Whenever a whine begins to surface, you can quickly put it to rest by pointing to a win.  A whiner will likely try to find fault in the win, but they will at least have to acknowledge that something positive has occurred, even if it is imperfect.

3. Encourage Them To Do Something About It – Most whiners hate been challenged to do something about the very thing they are whining about.  However, sometimes buried under the pile of whining ways there is a real passion that exists.  If you can connect the whiner to act upon their passion, then they can be help instead of hinder in doing something about the problem.

4. Say Good-Bye – There is just no pleasing some people.  You can be upbeat, offer suggestions, and even make the changes that they request, but some will still whine.  It is at this point that you need to move on.  Spending too much time trying to win over your critics will leave you exhausted and off mission as a leader.  If they will not budge from their whining ways then it may be time to say good-bye.

Everybody has days where they whine about their circumstances.  Nobody should be allowed to continue whining endlessly without intervention.  It is the job of the leader to try and develop the whiner.  If they continually refuse, then it may be time for the leader to make a tough call.