Strangers at Home

Take a moment to remember what it was like when you just met your spouse.  Unless you grew up together, there was a time when the two of you were strangers.  There was something intriguing about the other person, even if it wasn’t love at first sight.  As you met and got to know each other, you were careful with your words trying hard not to offend or make a fool of yourself.  In these first moments, even before the romantic relationship began you treated each other with kindness, dignity, and a mutual respect.

As the years pass and we get more comfortable with one another and in our marriage relationships there is a tendency to alienate all those things that we first applied to our relationship.  Now that you intimately know all the faults of your spouse it is easier to treat each other with less kindness and respect than you did when you first met them.  In fact, it is not uncommon to relate to your spouse in a way that is far less loving than when the two of you were strangers.

Here’s a thought… Why not revisit some of those initial feelings and ideas that you had about your fledgling relationship with your spouse.  You may not be trying to impress them as you first thought you had to, but you can certainly strive for the initial kindness that you had for them.  Often we hurt those that we are closest to by saying the most unkind and unloving things.  You would never say those same things to a stranger your just met?  Why not extend the same courtesy to your spouse? As we grow more accustomed to each other we should grow in mutual love and respect, not tear it down.

Crawling Fast

Just a couple of weeks ago my little boy, Caleb, took his first steps!  As a dad, I was elated!  In one day, it seemed as though he would leave crawling behind and embrace the world with just two feet.  However, over these past several days he has taken precious few steps.  Crawling is still his primary mode of transportation. 

This is because Caleb can crawl much faster than he can walk.  On two feet, he is wobbly and unstable.  On all fours, he is in command of his direction and can get almost anywhere at ground level quickly.  It is easier for him to go with what he knows, rather than to push himself to the next level.

We can be a lot like that sometimes.   When it comes to something new, innovative, and helpful we find ourselves challenged to learn.  Many times, we react with a strong desire to simply go with what we have always known instead.  After all, we are more proficient at what we have always done.  We can do the old way much faster.  At first, we may even believe that the old way will carry us much farther.  However with any lasting innovation, if we don’t get beyond the old way soon time will pass us by.

Think of it this way… A 9 month old crawling is darling.  A 19 year old crawling is disturbing.  You are meant to grow and progress.  God has gifted you with the ability to press through the learning curve to new heights of personal growth.  Don’t get left behind because of an unwillingness to try new things.  Don’t get caught crawling in a world that runs.

Take the stairs!

Summer is one of our most favorite times of the year.  I don’t know about you, but for us, Family vacations, grilling out, and movie nights all encompass our summer routine.  We love to endulge in the always-delicious mouse-tracks ice cream, and fill our oven with scoops of the ever-ready pillsbury cookie-dough.  Yes, summer is a wonderful time of the year.

One of the hardest places, I find balance in during the summer, however, is managing some sort of “health routine” in the midst of these indulging snacks.  I love bringing fresh-baked cookies to the table, after we’ve finished our grilled turkey burgers for dinner, but my waist-line doesn’t seem to like these choices near as much.  It’s so hot outside during the day, that going for a run seems nearly impossible, unless we wait until the sun goes down, which more-often-than-not means we won’t go, leaving us feeling guilty, frustrated, and full.

A few years back Steve and I went on a cruise for vacation, and upon boarding the ship were given some brilliant advice.  Our first stop was to the gym on the boat (which I’ll go ahead and admit this was the one and only time during our cruise vacation that we visited this spot), and while there, one of the trainers gave us a great nugget of wisdom.  He told us to go ahead and enjoy every moment of soaking up the sun, indulging in the food, and lounging around…but to always take the stairs.  He said that being on a cruise we were bound to not loose any weight, unless we maintained an exercise regime and were strict on what we allowed to enter our mouths (which, let’s just face it, was NOT going to happen), but that we could limit the amount of weight we GAINED, by simply taking the stairs.  He went on to explain that many people take the elevators on the ship, which results in their exercise dimishing for the week or so that they’re on the boat.  They’ll wait for 10 minutes or more for the always-full elevator, and then once on the Lido Deck, head to the buffet where they’ll devour all 6 pieces of chocolate cake that they’re offered.  Once finished, they’ll head back to the elevator which will then wisk them away to their stateroom where they can take a nap.  Daily exercise total, once this is repeated 10 or more times a day: Zero.

The wisdom from the trainer was brilliant, because, while Steve and I didn’t find ourselves loosing any weight while on the boat, walking those 5-6 flights of stairs each time we wanted to find that pizza or ice cream station, meant burning many of the calories we were about to eat before they were ever placed in our mouths.

So, let’s assume that not everyone will be headed out to sea on a cruise ship this summer.  How does this trainer’s advice benefit you?  Simple.  “Take the stairs.”  Wherever you find yourself this summer, choose to take the “stairs.”  Whether that means while walking around the mall, you look for the stairs rather than the escalator to get to that second floor, do it.  Perhaps at church you take the stairs, rather than crowding the elevator to get to your bible study class.  Maybe, you even determine to “take the stairs” figuratively, and translate that into walking a little bit more each time you head to the grocery by parking at the back of the lot, rather than circling the parking lot until that front-row spot opens up. 

The bottom line is that I understand summer is busy.  You want to fill it with memory-making adventures, and not exercise routine’s.  So, make it simple. Resolve this summer to “take the stairs” every time you’re given the option, and come this fall, we’ll see where you find yourself.

The Purpose-Driven Family

When was the last time you served, as a family, with efforts of benefiting the people around you?

When we lived in Virginia, there was one family that we knew that dumbfounded me with all of the ways that they worked to live life ON PURPOSE.  They went on mission trips together, served at soup kitchens together, and even did intentional (not “random”…but purposeful!) acts of service for those living closest to them – their neighbors.  It seemed that this family stopped at nothing to live their lives out as a blessing to others, and it got me thinking.  What if families across America operated the same way as our friends?  What if families lived out their day-to-day lives looking for ways to serve others?  What if, instead of choosing to live “service-oriented lives” independently, they worked as a unit (the one God already appointed in their home), and tried to intentionally serve those around them?   Not only would they accomplish the mission of serving the people in their own community, one that we can all agree is a mandate, but they would also accomplish the goal of raising up their children with an attitude of service, which may, in turn result in students and adults that live in a world where it’s not “all about them!”

So, how do you become this “Purpose-Driven Family?”  It’s not an overnight process, and is one that we’ll work on unpacking for weeks to come, but here are a few starting points, for your home-life ON MISSION, this week.

1.    Together, choose a Mission…and stick to it!

Together, as a family, pick a goal for your family to work toward.  Whether it’s serving an area at your church (yes, that may mean going to more than your usual 1 or 2 services so that you can volunteer in the preschool class that they’re desperately trying to fill), serving your neighbors (invite them over for dinner, bake some cookies and bring them to them), or serving the teachers at the school nearby (write them an encouraging note, create “care packages” for them on their first teacher work-day) work to find an avenue where your family can work TOGETHER to make a difference in someone else’s life.

2.     Pick a date on the calendar for your “Mission Day!”

Great ideas are created every day, but unfortunately they stay in their “great idea state” forever, because legs are never given to them.  Pull out the calendar (or calendars, if you have a super-busy family!), and pick a day where everyone can commit to be available.  Once it’s chosen, write your Mission Project on each person’s calendar…. in PEN!  That means, it’s not moved, changed, or scheduled over.  It’s a priority that everyone is committing to stick to.

3.     Pray for your project!

Great things can happen when you commit with your family to serve others.  Praying together allows each person to be available to whatever it is that God wants to use your family to accomplish through your mission project.  It may be as simple as having the open door to answering questions about “why” you chose to serve in the first place.  What an incredible opportunity to share with others about the great God that you serve, and the reason for the Hope in Him that you have!

Why the Disorganized Leader Never Wins

In his book The Next Generation Leader, Andy Stanley lays out a simple principle that helps us understand why disorganized leaders tend to lose the trust of their followers.  “Clarity is interpreted as leadership.”[1]  If the people you are entrusted to lead sense an unclear picture of the future, they will only follow you blindly for so long. 

Everyone likes to know where they going and how they are going to get there.  Disorganization screams to followers, “I may not be able to organize the small stuff, but trust me with the big stuff.”  It comes off as inconsistent to those that are paying any attention.  The state of your desk, your email inbox, your calendar, your meetings says more about your ability to lead than you might think.  Sure you can overcome these things, but why give anyone a reason to question your authority to begin with? 

I’m not talking about the occasional organizational blunder (we all have those).  This is about the chronically disorganized leader.  I have stood in your shoes.  I know the anxiety and trust issues that come from my own lack of organization.  Luckily, I have been blessed with people around me willing to confront me with the harsh reality of my disorganization.  They challenged me to make a change. 

Leadership is already hard enough.  Why make it more difficult by complicating your role with a mountain of disorganization? Here are a few tips to the leader that struggles with organizational skills…

1. Find A Program – Especially in a small organization or department, you will have to learn to be the best organizer on your team.  There are several programs out there to assist you in becoming organized.  Franklin Covey, Google Calendar and Tasks, Entourage, and many more tools are available to give you the necessary tools to get organized.  Get trained by someone that uses the program.  Commit to it!  Don’t let the program become a personal fad.  See it through until it becomes a habit.

2. Find A Person - If you already know that you are not the most organized person on your team, make sure that you find someone else who is.  Make finding an organized person your next hire or volunteer recruitment.  Build trust and clear communication with that person to ensure that they understand your vision.  Supervise them, but don’t micro-manage.  If you try to micro-manage your best organizer, they will become frustrated because their organizational skills eclipse yours.

3. Find A Purpose - The deeper issue for many people who are disorganized is a lack of  real purpose.  If you have no target, then there is no reason to organize in such a way to hit it.  You have to start with the purpose and then organize to achieve it.  Figure out your purpose so you can align personally and organizationally to see it through to completion.

Being organized may not make you a leader, but it certainly does enhance the leader’s ability to win and keep faithful followers.  What steps do you need to take to organize your personal leadership today?

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[1] Stanley, Andy. The Next Generation Leader