Stats are telling us increasing numbers of
new fathers desire to be more involved in their children’s lives.[1] This is a positive trend. Many of these new dads had fathers who
were unable or unwilling to be a part of the family memories. Motivated by a desire to be different,
these new dads are adjusting their calendars to be there during the formative
years of their children. Even so,
being physically located near your wife and kids does not guarantee you are
present with them.
The stories vary, but the scenarios are
relatively the same. Sitting in a
restaurant with your family, you start the meal talking with your wife about
her day. As she talks you notice
the TV over her shoulder mounted on the wall. It displays an upcoming game or breaking news story. All of a sudden she poses a question
and you mutter, “Uh-huh.” She asks
you what she has been talking about.
Busted.
Recently, I listened to an interview
conducted by John Acuff, author of the Bestselling book Quitter and popular
blog “Stuff Christians Like”. As
he talked on the subject of family he commented, “I don’t want the image my
children have of their dad to be me with the glow of a cell phone reflecting
off my forehead.” The onslaught of
emails, messages, and other electronic notifications via smart-phones creates a
whole new distraction for dads.
Every dad (myself definitely included) can
fall prey to being bodily present while mentally, emotionally unavailable. Your family needs you… all of you. Here are a few ways to help us all
become totally present for them.
Put It Away – The cell phone, iPad, laptop…
put it away. Yesterday, I was
grilling and checking email at the same time. My wife asked if I was going to be available for the
evening. Caught. I put the phone in a cabinet in our
kitchen and there it stayed for the next several hours. Sometimes you cannot just set your
device down, but have put it out of your sight. Otherwise you will be tempted to pick it up again.
Focus – Your TV came equipped with a
button that cuts off the electricity and sends it into “off” mode. Use that setting. The conversations you have with your
wife and kids are infinitely more important than scores and highlights. Perhaps one of the biggest struggles is
eating out with family when a TV present.
Try to sit in a table place that does not directly face a TV. It will help you stay focused.
Make Up You Mind – Do you
want to be home or some place else?
Choose where you want to be and then take all the necessary steps to
actually be 100% present there.
When you do, your family gets the best you can give them.
No one likes to feel unimportant, especially
your family. No matter how much
your heart says you love family, you have to show them how much you care by
giving yourself totally to the moments you have with them. Be present. You wife and kids will love it… you will too.
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